'I thought we were on good terms': Job candidate asks former boss for reference, she sabotages candidate's chances with the recruiter

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Dec 6, 2023 2:00 PM EST

They say to never trust your employer, but we always need a former employer for references so do we have much of a choice in the matter? The truth is that we do not. Even after you leave a company, you're still beholden to your former employer in some way. If you have minimal work experience, you might not have another employer to use as a reference. It's the cyclical nature of the working world. Even when you leave one place, you're never really free now, are you? Sure, it's possible to frame this kind of networking in a positive light. One opportunity leads to the next, and so on. However, for those of us who had unfortunate experiences with our former employers where it wasn't our fault, why does it feel like we still have to suffer indefinitely afterward? To that end, shouldn't recruiters be able to let prospective candidates start fresh and bring their skills to the table on their own terms rather than through the perspective of a potentially toxic former boss? 

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  • 01
    "My former employer [...] destroyed me when a recruiter asked for references."
    via Magnet.me

  • This thread was posted to Reddit by u/OldGrumpyHag, who thought she was on good terms with her former boss until that boss intentionally sabotaged her future chances at another company behind her back. Keep scrolling below for the full story and for the best reactions in the comments section. For more, here is another story about an egotistical CEO who throws himself an awards ceremony every year.

  • 02
    My former employer fired me, acted like we were in good terms & destroyed me when a recruiter asked for references The title says it all basically. I had a very good opportunity for a job, the recruiter liked me but they absolutely wanted a reference from my last employer. I though we were in good terms, I had coffee with my former boss, we talked about the job and the call, she didn't say a thing and seemed enthusiastic for me.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 03
    Just today the recruitment agency called me to tell me I didn't get the job, and told me the whole thing. My former boss told stuff she didn't even tell me. Like I didn't know how to manage a budget while I never had to when I worked for her. The agency was puzzled, because my other references were really good, but it was too late for the job.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 04
    The news completely crushed me. I thought getting fired was already a hard thing to manage, and now I can't count on my only reference in Canada. I was thinking about erasing this job from my resume but a first working experience is important to find a job here. I was already struggling to find a new job, I only have a year and a half left for my visa and I'm afraid it scares some potential recruiters. I don't know if it's the last straw which will make me give up and go back to my home country.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 05
    zuma1597 15 hr. ago You can sue, my old boss got sued and lost. Found out you can't say anything bad about an employee only whether or not you worked there and for how long. Your ex boss cost you money and a lawyer would like to help you recover your losses for a percentage. 1.5k Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 06
    OldGrumpyHag OP 15 hr. ago . Thanks for the advice! I had no idea it was illegal. I have to think about it, I'm broke and a foreign worker, it makes everything more difficult to manage. 4 649 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 07
    Ok_Cap3087 16 hr. ago That might be illegal 170 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 08
    OldGrumpyHag OP. 15 hr. ago Apparently it is! I had no idea, I'm completely unfamiliar with references check 4 103 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 09
    redhottea 13 hr. ago Look, I run a small tech business in Canada and if you'd like then DM me and I'll always provide a great reference for whatever timeframe you need. This goes for anyone else in the comments too. They wanna| around we should too. 107 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 10
    ReferenceSwimming741. 13 hr. ago Now this is what I like. Giving them a good ol' taste of their own medicine. Doesn't mean that we the employee are bad. We just sick and tired of these games and double standard hypocrisy mindset. 26 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 11
    OldGrumpyHag OP. 12 hr. ago I wish employers would have to provide reference check from employees 23 Reply Share
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 12
    Acrobatic-Expert-507 14 hr. ago to Why? Why? Why the ex-employers so this? AIIIIIII they can do is confirm employment and confirm dates. What a waffle.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 13
    OldGrumpyHag OP 14 hr. ago Yeah I thought we were in good terms, and she would say neutral things....
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 14
    Stambro1 15 hr. ago Make sure they get a statement from the recruiter!!!
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 15
    JackalRampant · 13 hr. ago You have been subjected to defamation and can sue your former employer for slander. There is a reason why the only question should be "Is (former employee) eligible for rehire?" The only acceptable answers are "(Former employee) is eligible for rehire" or "(Company) has a do not rehire policy for all employees regardless of termination or resignation." Anything else said can become a legal issue. Get a lawyer. Cry litigate! And let slip the dogs of law.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 16
    sorean_4 12 hr. ago Have a friend call for a reference check. Make up a company, record the conversation and go directly to a lawyer.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 17
    Feisty_Elfgirl_5258 12 hr. ago I had a 'mentor' do the same thing to me. Completely ruined my reputation in the field. It big time. But you will find something better and they can go screw themselves
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 18
    Old GrumpyHag OP. 12 hr. ago I'm sorry it happened to you! It must be very hard. I hope things are better for you now
    via u/OldGrumpyHag
  • 19
    gordo623 15 hr. ago You can't share anything about an ex employee... they ask you very specific questions that are job related... answers are usually yes or no. I'd litigate the out of it.
    via u/OldGrumpyHag

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getting fired boss workplace-stories fired work stories toxic-workplace job work Horrible Bosses reddit thread Reddit job interview toxic-work-environment
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